Journeys With Jani

Betsy (my Bonus-Mom) said something that hit me right in the soft spots:

“Music is personal… but it’s also communal. It’s how we share pieces of ourselves without having to explain all the messy details.”

Yes ma’am. That’s it. That’s the whole sermon.

Because when life gets brutally real, hospice-real, terminal-cancer-real… our mouths don’t always cooperate. We can’t find the right words or we don’t want to say them out loud because once you do, it’s official. So music steps in like a friend who doesn’t need the backstory. It just sits with you & tells the truth anyway.

Betsy shared three songs tied to Phil, her late husband, during his terminal cancer & the season of losing him. Not background music songs. These are “hold my hand while I fall apart” songs.

1) Seasons in the Sun – Terry Jacks

This one is a goodbye dressed up as a singable melody. It’s soft rock/pop on the surface, but the heart of it is a farewell letter.

🥸 Music education moment:

When a song feels like grief, it’s often because it’s doing two things at once. The song feels familiar & almost comforting while the message is doing the heavy lifting. That contrast can mess you up in the best & worst way.

Also, this song has a deeper history than I realized until I researched a bit. It’s adapted from an earlier song about a dying man saying goodbye. That original DNA matters because you can hear the “this is the end” energy baked into it. 

🎧 What to listen for…

👂 The steady, almost march-like movement that keeps going no matter what

👂 The way the melody feels simple… like something you could hum through tears

👂 How the “goodbye” feeling lands even if you’re not paying attention to the words

2) “Te Sigo Amando” – Juan Gabriel

Betsy said this one is worth translating into English. After I did so, I had to agree & I’ll add this: even if you never translate a single word, Juan Gabriel will still make your chest ache. This voice could turn a breath into a heartbreak.

The title basically means “I keep loving you.” And the message, in plain talk, is devastatingly tender: I want you happy wherever you are, I still love you, I miss you, forgive me for the ways my love hurt you. 

When Betsy said she imagines it was what Phil was thinking about her in hospice… whew. That’ll take the knees out from under you.

🎧 What to listen for…

👂 How the vocal delivery sounds like pleading & blessing at the same time

👂 The way the song lingers… like someone who isn’t ready to let go but has to

👂 How emotion comes through even if Spanish isn’t your first language

3) “All My Loving” – The Beatles

And then we pivot to something that might surprise people in a grief trio: early Beatles. Bright, sweet, youthful.

But that’s the thing about loss… sometimes you can’t stay in the heavy songs. Sometimes you need a song that reminds you of before. Before illness. Before appointments. Before the world changed.

“All My Loving” is a love song written like a note you’d tuck in a pocket. It’s from With The Beatles (1963) & was written by Paul McCartney. 

🎧 What to listen for…

👂 The forward motion… it doesn’t wallow, it moves

👂 That “letter” feeling, like love being sent across distance

👂 The comfort of something familiar and uncomplicated

Why these three work together:

Because grief is not one emotion. It’s a whole unpredictable weather system.

Seasons in the Sun is the goodbye you’re trying to survive.  “Te Sigo Amando” is love that refuses to shut up even when it hurts. 

Te Sigo Amando is love that refuses to shut up even when it hurts.

All My Loving is memory showing up with a soft light on. 

And that circles right back to what Betsy said. Music lets us share the messy details… without explaining them. You don’t have to give the whole story. You just press play & somebody else goes, “Oh. I get it.”

I am so blessed to have Betsy as my Mom …I am thankful my Dad is happy & together they live life to the fullest. We all come with stuff. It is about ebb & flow.

Who’s next?

Alright, friends… give me three songs (or more if you need to) that are stitched into your life for one reason or another. Joy, grief, healing, divorce, new love, old love, Sunday mornings, kitchen dance parties, all of it.

XOXO, Jani