Journeys With Jani

Let’s Talk About It…

Today I’m tired.

Not “I could use a nap” tired. I mean heart-tired. Brain-tired. Soul-tired. The kind of tired that makes you stare at the ceiling and think, Lord, if one more thing breathes near me wrong, I might just run away.

And I’ve been down this road before. I know I have. I’ve written versions of this in my head a thousand times. But here I am again because apparently my life enjoys a recurring theme.

Over the years I’ve slowly learned something that sounds simple but is surprisingly hard to live out…

Sometimes the smartest thing you can do is sit back, close your eyes, and breathe peace in.

Not because you’re weak. Not because you’re letting it go. Not because you’re pretending it didn’t happen.

But because not everything deserves a reaction. And impulsive reactions rarely fix anything anyway. They just create a brand new mess you now have to clean up while you’re already tired.

There are two ideas that keep bumping into each other in my mind lately, and honestly they’re really the same idea wearing different outfits.

1. You are not responsible for other people’s actions, but you are 100% responsible for your reaction.

2. Learn to sit back and observe… not everything needs a reaction.

Let’s talk about both.

The hard truth about self-responsibility

People do what they do.

Some folks are kind. Some are chaotic. Some are sweet as pie until they don’t get their way, then they act like a toddler who lost custody of the remote control.

You can’t control any of that.

You can explain yourself perfectly and still be misunderstood. You can be generous and still be judged. You can do everything right and still get someone else’s mess splashed on your shoes.

But here’s the part that took me years to accept…

My reaction is mine.

Not theirs. Not the situation’s. Not the “but they started it” committee.

And yes, I know. Sometimes the reaction feels automatic. Like it just happens. But most of the time, it happens because we’ve practiced it. We’ve reinforced it. We’ve built a little mental shortcut that goes straight from triggered to reacting.

When my heart is tired, my impulse tries to convince me that reacting is power. That if I clap back, correct, defend, explain, or set the record straight, I’ll feel better.

Sometimes I do… for about twelve minutes.

Then the adrenaline wears off and I’m left with the same situation plus the aftertaste of, “Why did I waste my energy on that?”

Self-responsibility is choosing not to hand your peace over to someone else’s behavior like it’s a party favor.

It’s saying, “You can do what you do… but you don’t get to steer my nervous system.”

Observational wisdom is not passivity

This is the part people misunderstand. Sitting back and observing doesn’t mean you’re a doormat. It means you’re the owner of your own oxygen supply.

Observation is a pause with purpose.

It’s giving yourself enough space to ask:

🤔 What is actually happening here?

🤔 What story am I telling myself about it?

🤔 What do I want the outcome to be?

🤔 What response gets me closer to that outcome?

Because here’s the truth… reaction is usually about relief, not results.

Reactions are the emotional equivalent of slamming a door. It releases energy, but it rarely solves the problem.

Observation is different. Observation is you noticing the door, noticing your hand on the knob, and deciding whether this moment deserves a slam or a soft close or a full-on exit stage left.

And yes… sometimes the answer is absolutely “exit.”

What travel taught me about reactions

You know I’m going to bring travel into this, because I can’t help myself. It’s my real-life classroom.

Travel has taught me more about emotional regulation than any self-help book ever did.

Flights get delayed. Weather does what it wants. People show up unprepared, overpacked, undercaffeinated, and occasionally allergic to common sense. I can’t control any of that.

But I can control how I respond.

I can respond like, “We’re doomed, everything is ruined, the universe hates us.”

Or I can respond like, “Okay. Here are our options. Here’s what we can fix. Here’s what we can’t. Let’s move.”

One of those responses drains you. The other one guides you.

And honestly, that’s the whole point.

The peace-breathing practice, real-world edition

When I say breathe peace in,I don’t mean you need a mountain retreat, a sound bath and a robe made of ethically sourced clouds.

I mean a simple moment where you interrupt the cycle.

Here are a few ways I do it when I’m tired and my emotions are trying to run the show:

✋ Pause long enough to name it

😡 This is anger

😭 This is hurt

😱 This is fear

😑 This is me feeling disrespected

Naming it keeps it from shapeshifting into a whole personality.

Don’t answer on the first draft.

📲 That text you want to send?

👩‍💻 That comment you want to leave?

🗣️ That speech you want to deliver in your kitchen like you’re in a courtroom drama?

📝 Write it. Save it. Walk away.

If it’s still true later, you can respond with a clearer mind.

If it’s not, congratulations… you just saved yourself from being your own regret.

Ask, “What does peace cost right now?”

🕊️ Sometimes peace costs your pride.

🕊️ Sometimes it costs your need to be understood.

🕊️ Sometimes it costs your need to win.

The price can feel unfair. But the alternative is paying with your energy and I’m sorry, I’m on a budget today.

Choose your boundary, not your battle.

➡️ A reaction fights the person.

🔃 A boundary protects you.

A boundary can be:

🖤 I’m not discussing this right now

🖤 I’m going to step back

🖤 I’m not available for that kind of conversation.

🖤 This is where I end the interaction

❤️ You don’t have to convince anyone.

❤️ You don’t have to get permission.

❤️ You just have to follow through.

Let silence do some of the work.

Silence is not weakness. Silence is a strategy.

Not everything needs your energy. Some things need your absence.

The part nobody wants to hear

Sometimes the situation doesn’t change. Sometimes the person doesn’t change. Sometimes you do everything right and it still hurts.

But if you can keep your reaction from becoming your prison… you’ve already won something huge.

You can’t always control what happens to you. But you can decide what happens inside you.

And when you’re tired… that decision matters even more.

Because tired hearts don’t need more chaos. They need steadiness. They need softness. They need a moment where you stop performing your pain and start protecting your peace.

So if you’re tired today too, I’m right there with you.

😌 Close your eyes for a second.

✌️ Breathe in peace.

🧘🏽‍♀️ Breathe out the need to react.

Then do the next right thing… calmly, clearly, and without letting somebody else rent space in your spirit for free.

This is Journeys With Jani… and apparently today’s journey is learning how to stay unbothered on purpose.

XOXO, Jani