Journeys With Jani

I love a shiny Christmas movie as much as the next girl, but if we’re being honest, a lot of them feel like they were written by someone who has never had a relative lose their mind at the dinner table.

That’s why The Family Stone hooked me.

Not because it’s tidy and sweet, but because it is beautifully messy. It looks like how families actually behave when you cram everybody under one roof, add holiday expectations, sprinkle in old wounds and new relationships, then give the whole thing a good shake.

Sybil picking everything apart. Kelly quietly absorbing the chaos. Everett holding it all together until he can’t. Ben just vibing and calling out the nonsense. Amy poking at outsiders. Thad trying to be normal while everyone else is on fire. The visitors walking into the emotional hurricane, clueless and hopeful.

Tell me that’s not every family you know in some form.

Including mine. Including yours.

We Are All “The Difficult One” For Somebody

Everyone loves to point at the Meredith in the room. The nervous one. The controlling one. The one who shows up already braced for impact. She walks in and the whole house tightens up like “oh boy, here we go.”

But here’s the thing: for somebody in our family, we have been the Meredith.

For someone, we were too loud, too sensitive, too controlling, too reactive, too opinionated, too quiet, too something. Maybe we still are.

I look back at younger me and there are so many moments I wish I could time travel into, grab myself by the shoulders and say, “SHUT UP. Just hush. Breathe. Listen.” I can see the places where I poured gasoline on conversations that needed water.

Some people are wired to be soft, thoughtful, measured. They listen, sort, move forward. Others come into this world like a lit match. That short fuse is not learned, it’s baked in.

Hi, I’m Exhibit A.

I am better than I used to be. That’s called growing up. Life will either mature you or break you, and sometimes it does a little of both.

Real Love Learns To Pause

Here’s what I’ve had to learn the hard way.

Loving your family doesn’t always look like big speeches and perfect hugs in the snow. Sometimes loving your family is:

– Not clapping back, even though your entire soul just wrote a 7-page response

– Walking into a room already decided that you will be kind, even if they are not

– Letting one comment slide because you know it came from pain, not malice

– Saying “I was wrong” without adding “but you…”

– Leaving early instead of staying and turning it into Round 12 of the same old fight

Our fuse has to get longer as we get older. Honestly, half the time we need to learn how to snuff the spark out completely and keep moving. Not because people “deserve” it or “earned” it, but because we deserve peace. And peace in a family often starts with the first person willing to stop swinging.

Families Are An Ebb And Flow, Not A Fixed Picture

By the end of The Family Stone, what you see isn’t a perfect family. You see a united family who has gone through something real together.

They hurt each other. They misunderstand each other. They circle the wagons around the people they love. They loosen their judgment. They accept new people who once felt like intruders. They bend.

That’s what real families do over time. Ebb and flow. Pull apart and come back together. Test the limits, then redraw the lines.

You have the protectors. The peacemakers. The ones who poke. The ones who hide. The ones who always host. The ones who never show up. The ones who change, and the ones who absolutely do not.

And then you have those beautiful “visitors” who marry in, partner in, just fall into the middle of this circus and somehow love everyone anyway. Bless them. They translate, they soothe, they help soften the edges.

Personalities from different worlds get shoved together and told, “Congratulations, you’re all family now.” Sometimes it feels natural. Other times it feels like breaking in a new pair of shoes that rub your heel raw before they finally fit just right.

Loving Your Family On Purpose

Loving your family does not mean you:

– Agree with everything they say

– Forget what has hurt you Stay in situations that are actually unsafe

Loving your family does mean you at least try to:

See their heart underneath their worst habits

– Recognize the scared child hiding inside the grown adult in front of you

– Own your part in the mess, not just theirs

– Leave room for people to grow, just like you have

Sometimes love looks like gathering around the table, laughing till your belly hurts, and falling asleep in a food coma with a full heart. Sometimes it looks like taking a step back, doing your own healing, then slowly coming closer again when you can be more gentle.

Both can be love.

If You’re In The Thick Of It

If your family right now looks more like the tense first half of The Family Stone than the tender ending, you are not alone.

You are not the only one whose family group text is chaos. You are not the only one who dreads that one comment you know someone is going to make. You are not the only one who lies in bed after a gathering replaying what you said and wishing you had handled it differently.

Here’s the tiny bit of hope tucked inside all that:

You can start changing the tone without making a big announcement. You can decide that this year you will:

– Listen more than you speak

– Ask real questions instead of making assumptions

– Pause before reacting

– Apologize quickly when you mess up

– Offer grace, even if it isn’t offered back

– One little shift at a time.

– One gathering at a time.

– One conversation at a time.

– Family will never be perfect.

– It isn’t supposed to be.

– It is a living thing made up of flawed humans who are all just trying to feel seen and loved.

Some days we nail it. Some days we crash and burn. On our best days, we keep coming back to the table anyway.

Family.