Journeys With Jani

Every time someone says, “Oh my gosh, I got food poisoning there!” I swear my eyes roll so far back I can see my own common sense.

Now don’t get me wrong, real food poisoning is awful. Miserable. Nobody’s arguing that. But let’s talk about the other 70% of cases that sound a whole lot more like: I drank six frozen margaritas, forgot to eat all day, and then had a plate of shrimp fettuccine under the setting sun.

Yeah. That kind of food poisoning.

Punta Cana, Exhibit A

When we were in Punta Cana …beautiful resort, gorgeous beach, staff working their tails off, people kept saying they got food poisoning. And I’m over here thinking, really? Or did you just melt in the sun and chase tequila shots with piña coladas until your stomach filed for divorce?

Because unless your doctor used the actual words “food poisoning,” I’m gonna go ahead and guess you might’ve just been a touch hungover, dehydrated, or allergic to your own bad decisions.

The Rich-Food-Rookie Move

Let’s not forget this one: you eat barely anything all day, your body’s running on sun and pool water, then you go eat a five-course dinner full of spices, sauces, and cream and BOOM. Your stomach revolts. That’s not bad food, sweetie, that’s your gut screaming, “What are we doing right now?!”

Real Talk

I’m not saying people never get actual food poisoning. It happens. It’s just that for every real case, there are ten more that are, shall we say, self-inflicted. You know who you are.

So the next time you’re tempted to declare a restaurant guilty of “food poisoning,” ask yourself:

Did you see a doctor? Did anyone else eating the same thing get sick? How many fruity drinks with umbrellas did you have yesterday?

If the answers are no, no and seven, maybe the only thing you got poisoned by …was vacation enthusiasm.

All I’m saying is, before you hop online to warn others, maybe pop open a Gatorade, grab some crackers, and consider that the only thing you got poisoned by, was your own good time.

XOXO, Jani