Journeys With Jani

Last night was one for the books, y’all. We started out wholesome enough—bowling with my kiddos and friends. Laughter, gutter balls, and just enough strikes to keep us humble. From there, we rolled (pun intended) right into Jake’s for a little get-together.

Now, let me set the scene: Tasha, Tyra, and Hayden had been in the kitchen all day working on dinner. Tyra, of course, had little Harvey attached like a permanent accessory because, well—he’s a baby, and that’s what babies do. Smelling food cooking all afternoon while trying to wrangle family into one house? That’s its own kind of sport.

But what were we really gathering for? Oh honey, it wasn’t just dinner. We were there for the TV event of the night: The Redneck Brawl—LIVE from Tennessee.

Yes, that’s a real thing.

Picture this: a boxing ring straight out of a smoky backwoods bar, mullets flowing in the breeze of the ceiling fan, PBR’s flying through the crowd like confetti, and ring girls in boots and bikinis strutting their stuff while shaking those big number cards (and let’s be honest…shaking everything else, too).

And then came the fighters. All 31 bouts of them.

The Lineup (with my two cents, because how could I not?):

STORMY vs SADIE LYNN – I’m guessing this feud started over the last Marlboro at a cookout.

WARDOG vs CHOP – Pretty sure Chop got his name from a lawnmower incident.

423 COWBOY vs COWBOY CURTIS – Too many cowboys, not enough dental insurance.

ONE-TOOTH HILLBILLY vs HILL BOB – Spoiler: Hillbilly lost the tooth to Hill Bob years ago.

WIRECUTTERS vs BACKWOODS BRAWLER – Sounds less like a fight, more like a felony.

ITALLION STALLION vs TARZAN – Mispronounced “Italian,” but at least Tarzan wore pants. I think.

COUNTRY vs RIGHT HOOK – Betting odds weren’t great for Country.

TENNESSEE WHISKEY vs CITY COWBOY – Winner got a shot of Jack and a belt buckle.

WILD WOOD vs SEXY BOO BABE – Guess who got booed? Not Babe.

WALKERDOG vs TINY – Tiny was not, in fact, tiny. Shocker. CRAZY SHADY vs HOSSIE – Eminem would sue if he saw this. HOLLER COLOSSUS vs SMOKEY MT. REDNECK – Can’t lie, I’d buy that pay-per-view poster.

TATER vs KNOCKOUT CRYBABY – Potatoes were mashed. Feelings too.

VANILLA GORILLA vs BEAST OF MIDDLE EAST – Ring announcer’s tongue tied itself in knots.

APPALACHIAN ANNIHILATOR vs HILLBILLY – Just “Hillbilly.” No frills. No teeth either.

BIG RED vs HUMAN HIGHLIGHT – Honestly, should’ve been the main event.

DUI SHY vs BOUNTY MAMMA – One drove to the fight, the other posted bail.

METH MOUNTAIN MANIAC vs HOOK HOGAN – No relation to Hulk. Sadly.

PLAYBOY vs TAYLOR FROM THE TRAILER – The trailer park deserves better representation.

JAY DRONE vs TENNESSEE PATRIOT – One vapes, one waves a flag. Both winded by round two.

PEEKABOO vs SHEEN GREEN – Peekaboo came out swinging… then hid.

BOCEPHUS vs HOLLER BRAWLER – If Hank Jr. didn’t walk out, I’m disappointed.

SCARECROW vs INDIANA LUMBERJACK – Honestly sounds like a horror flick I’d accidentally watch.

MACHOMAN vs GIRTHQUAKE – Ohhh yeahhh… the earth did move.

NYQUIL vs CHANEL – Sleep aid vs perfume. Nobody wins. TENNESSEE CORNBREAD vs SASQUATCH – The carbs fought the hair. Who ya got?

BABY DADDY vs THE HUSBAND – Thanksgiving dinners just got awkward.

LIL LARRY vs LIL FIRE – Lil fight. Lil audience. Lil dignity. LUCKY vs BARBIE JESS – Spoiler: Barbie Jess had more fight in her press-ons than Lucky had in his fists.

T-BONE THE MT. MAN vs GEORGIA OUTLAW – Naturally, I rooted for Georgia.

LIL TERRY vs LIL SMOKEY – Sounds like a rap battle at Golden Corral.

🥊 Top 5 Craziest Matchups of the Night

Baby Daddy vs The Husband – Thanksgiving dinners are never going to be the same again. Who got the stuffing, who got the turkey leg, and who got the ex?

One-Tooth Hillbilly vs Hill Bob – Winner takes the tooth. Loser takes the moonshine jug. Dental plan not included.

DUI Shy vs Bounty Mamma – Honestly felt like a court case waiting to happen. Spoiler: one of them left with a warrant. Tater vs Knockout Crybaby – Never in my life did I expect to cheer “Go Tater!” but here we are. Mashed. Fried. Served hot. MachoMan vs Girthquake – Ohhh yeahhh! The earth shook, the crowd screamed, and I think somebody’s knee still hasn’t recovered.

And yes, some fighters didn’t even make it to the ring—eliminated due to intoxication. Only in Tennessee, folks.

The trash talk was as wild as the punches. My personal favorite? A woman screaming across the ropes: “I’m finna rock yo meat box!” (No, I cannot explain it. I can only repeat it.)

All in all, it was part wrestling, part family reunion, and part circus. And the best part? It was exactly as redneck and ridiculous as you’re imagining.

Life’s about balance, right? A little family, a little food, and a whole lotta Redneck Brawl.

XOXO, Jani