Journeys With Jani

At this point, I’m not sure if I live in modern America or an episode of Little House on the Prairie: Inflated Edition.

Because listen—everything is going up. Groceries, gas, dog treats, mascara, air! I just paid $17 for a candle that smells like “forest morning,” and honey—I live in the woods. I am the forest morning.

But the real kicker? I had two grocery bags delivered yesterday (yes, I’m bougie like that—don’t judge), and my grocery app had the audacity to tell me I “saved $0.87.” Oh did I? Then why does my bank account look like I ordered lobster dipped in gold and a side of shame?

So in true overreact-and-then-lean-in fashion, I’ve decided it’s time for me to get resourceful. Like… frontierswoman-level resourceful.

Here’s what I’ve got planned:

1. Plant a Garden.

It’s high time I trade in ornamental mums for actual tomatoes. Lettuce, squash, maybe even herbs… if I’m going broke, I want it to at least taste fresh.

2. Grow Cotton.

Not for fashion, y’all. I just want to be able to say, “Oh this little dish towel? Hand-spun from my personal cotton patch.” That’s a level of petty pride I aspire to.

3. Get Laying Hens.

If I’m paying $6 for eggs, I want them laid fresh with attitude. Bonus points if the hens come when I call and let me name them after Real Housewives.

4. Take Up Whittling.

Why? No reason. But it feels like the right vibe for a woman who lives in the woods, wears silver bangles, and is considering soap-making as a side hustle.

5. Knit Something.

Scarves, socks, emotional support potholders. I figure if I can knit through my anxiety, I’ll at least be warm while spiraling.

6. Embrace My Inner Huntress.

Y’all. I can shoot straight, build a fire, and catch a fish or two. If it comes down to it, I’ll be over here in the woods like Snow White with a Glock and a cast iron skillet.

Now don’t worry—I’m not giving up wine, mascara, or my delivered groceries. I may be rustic, but I’m not feral. Yet.

But I am prepared to barter fresh eggs for bourbon and tomatoes for under-eye concealer if this cost-of-living circus doesn’t let up soon.

So if you need me, I’ll be down by the creek in a self-knit shawl, talking to chickens, and planning next week’s bougie apocalypse menu.

Because if this is the end of times, I intend to face it with lip gloss, sarcasm, and a homegrown salad.

Love from the cabin.

XOXO, Jani

#BougieButPrepared #RusticAndRuthless #InflationCanKissMyGrits